Dream of: 05 December 2020 "River Crossing"     

I am with my mother (1931-2015) and my father (1932-2016) who are probably in their 30s. We are having a pleasant time walking around a park when we pass along a large, concrete wall which contains artwork on its side. My father asks me what I think the artwork is about, and I answer, "Mostly history."

We pass by one section of the wall which is covered with small, inch-square, beige tiles without any particular design. I say, "That's from Citizens bank." My father agrees and says that this section of the wall was moved here from "Citizens Bank." He says he helped move this section of the wall here years ago, and that this section of the wall used to be the garage of Citizens bank. This seems interesting to me.

As we walk together, my mother mentions that when she was young and was dating my father, he used to tell her that she looked Spanish. I look at her dark black hair and can imagine how she could have been considered as Spanish when she was young. I recall that my father studied Spanish for a while when he was young, so he probably liked to imagine her as Spanish at that time.

We continue walking until we can see a river on one side of the park. On the other side of the river are many huge trees with colorful leaves—especially red— as if in autumn. The tall trees look as if they have never been cut. I wonder if other sights are here in the park which we have not yet seen. Then I see a large stone statue of a person—three or four times normal size—hidden amongst the trees on the other side of the river. I cannot see the statue clearly, but I see that the statue has no head. I recall seeing the statue before. Apparently, the head has been removed for some reason.

Suddenly, all three of us begin running toward the river. My mother and father run ahead of me and jump over the river. I recall that we have done this before and we all know how to jump over the river. Just as I reach the bank of the river, however, something happens to throw me off my pace, and when I jump, I misestimate the distance, and I land in the water about a meter away from the bank on the other side.

I try to reach the bank and I try grabbing onto some little sticks sticking up on the edge of the shore, but I am unable to reach them. An optical illusion of the shoreline prevents me from judging how far away the bank is. I float on my stomach on top of the water, as if I am lying on top of a board or something, as I desperately try to reach out and grab the bank, but I cannot quite reach it.

I start feeling the current pulling me downstream to my left. I know that the river becomes much bigger farther downstream, so if I cannot climb out here, I do not know how I will be able to do so further downstream. I think maybe my parents will realize that I am not with them and return to save me, but I cannot be sure of that. I continue trying my best to reach the shore and grab onto something to pull myself out.

Commentary of 05 December 2020

I have a persistent fear that I will not reach the "other world" when I die and that I will instead be carried away by death into oblivion.

nightmares evolve from

fears which are both rational

and irrational

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