Dream of: 13 November 2020 (2) "Devotional"  

 Just as I am entering a restaurant, I look down on the ground and see a small, black billfold. I pick it up and open a compartment which contains 6-7 metal house keys I open another compartment which contains a few papers but nothing more. I continue walking into the restaurant near other people who are also entering and exiting. I start to hand the wallet to a fellow dressed in black who is showing people into the restaurant... but then I notice another compartment right in the middle of the billfold. I open this compartment and see some folded money in the compartment. First, I see a $1 bill, and then I see quite a wad of $100 bills and $50 bills. I quickly pull the billfold back to myself and do not deliver the billfold to the fellow in black.

My mother (1931-2015) is living in the 17th Street House (where I lived in Portsmouth, Ohio from 2006 to 2018). I am presently living there with her. When I return home to the House, I find an address inside the billfold. I see that the address is for the little cottage which is right across the street from the House. I have been pondering whether I am going to keep the billfold, but by now I have decided, "No, I'm gonna give it back."

I walk from the House across the street to the cottage. Just as I start knocking on the door, a fellow opens the door from the inside and walks out. I look inside the cottage and see how cruddy it looks. I have never been inside this cottage before, even though I live right across the street from these people. A woman with a cigarette dangling from her mouth slinks out of the cottage. Both the man and the woman ignore me. It looks to me as if poor, white trash live in the cottage. When they do not pay any attention to me, I back away and head back home.

Now, I am not even sure that I am going to return the billfold to these people. I think, "They'll just waste it." I think maybe I can find some better use for the money. I estimate around $1, 500 is in the billfold. Even though I myself do not need the money, I am thinking that I am not going to return the money to these cruddy people after all.

A short time later, while I am in the House, two of the people from across the street show up on my front porch. I walk out onto the porch to find out what they want. It becomes clear that they have heard a rumor that I have this billfold. When they talk, they mention the word "devotional." I am not sure what they are talking about. They do not know for sure... they only suspect that I have the billfold. I do not say anything to them. I still have not decided to give them the billfold. I do not care for these people. They are rather disgusting. I do not want to give the money back to them. I think I could give it to someone else who could put the money to better use.

Commentary of 19 November 2020

Is this dream kafkaesque? Tomorrow is my birthday. I was born on 20 November 1952, tomorrow I will be 68 years old, and I am presently wondering if my dream is kafkaesque. There is a story in Der Prozess about the guard at the door of a building which a man wants to enter. I have never understood what that little story is about, even though some people interested in Der Prozess seem to put a lot of emphasis on that particular little story which only seems to leave me with a question about the meaning of the story. This dream also seems to pose a question to me: should I have given the money to the people across the street or should I have kept it?

karma is the sad

and happy law from which one

may never escape  

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