Dream of: 03 November 2020 "Comical Yet Serious Conversation"     

 I am talking on the phone with Mairita. I have not talked with her in a long time. Nevertheless, we seem to easily pick up a conversation which we had previously been having. I can tell, however, that she is a bit peeved with me. For my part, I genuinely find the conversation rather comical and I repeatedly laugh while we talk.

I am not certain what is bothering her or what she wants. It is clear, however, that she is dissatisfied with me. I have the feeling that she wants to be with me and that she is putting the pressure on me to be with her.

I reflect that I have another woman for whom I have feelings and who wants to be with me and perhaps marry me. I just finished talking with the other woman before I started talking with Mairita. So now I have these two women who are interested in me. It seems that I do not want to leave the other woman, but I do not want to marry anybody. I feel as if I am a loner and as if I do not want to be with anybody. I just want to remain alone. I enjoy having relationships with both women, and it seems that there may even be a third woman with whom I have a relationship. I like communicating with the women, but I like being alone.

As we talk, I notice that Marita has a certain trait of some sort which I think is common to people from the country from which she originates. When she says something which seems to exhibit that trait, I say, "Of course, because you're from..." At this point, however, I cannot remember exactly which country she is from, so I do not finish the sentence. When I think about it, I think she may be from "Bulgaria," and I envision a map of Bulgaria and the countries around Bulgaria.

The central problem is that I am so much older than Marita. At one point, she says something like, "You're old," but she does not say it in a nasty way, just as a matter of fact. I reflect that it is true that I am old.

Although I enjoy being friends with Mairita, I reflect that I really do not know her at all. I say, "I've never seen you. I don't even know your name."

This all seems genuinely comical to me to me and I laugh much of the time that I am talking. I continue to laugh, but she seems very serious when she is talking. I finally ask, "What do you want?"

She answers, "I'd like to think ...." then I cannot hear the rest of what she says and I realize I have dropped my phone. I look down. I am sitting inside of an old television (probably from the 1950s). All the tubes have been removed from the television. I am sitting facing the back of the TV. I stand up out of the television and try to pick up my phone when I hear my mother (1931-2015) sweeping with a sweeper in the adjoining room. This is apparently my mother's house.

I decide to go to my bedroom which is in another part of the house. I think I will have to call Marita back from there. I walk back to the bedroom. On the way I pass my father (1932-2016) who is visiting the house. He says that he has a penny which he has found and that he is keeping all the money which he finds lying around the house. I hope I have not left any paper money lying around here.

When I reach the bedroom, I discover some boxes sitting in front of the door. I have not been using the room, so the boxes are blocking the way. I start moving the boxes so I can enter the room.

Commentary of 08 November 2020

 I am currently reading "Der Prozess" by Franz Kafka and am trying to dream about Kafka. The hero of  "Der Prozess" is a loner named Josef K. The story reads like an angst-filled nightmare from which there is no escape. 

i would like to think

that i could communicate

with someone in dreams

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