Dream of: 03 October 2020 "A Lost State Of Mind"  

I wake up sleeping outside on the ground. I have slept on a high, narrow ridge which runs along the top of a range of tall hills—almost mountains. I have slept out here and still have covers over me. The ridge is almost not wide enough to walk on, yet a narrow path winds along atop the ridge. In the distance, I can see some people running toward me along the path. I recall that people walk around up here sometimes. I have sometimes seen these people when I looked up here from down below. I wanted to see up close who these people were. One group of five or six people run past me. A second, more hesitant group of five or six people then hurry past me. Some boys are amongst them. 

I return back to the house in the valley at the bottom of the hill where my family lives. I tell them what I have seen on the top of the ridge on the hill. I think about how I will tell them how many people I saw. I think of first saying between ten and fifteen, then decide to say, "around a dozen."

I walk into the dark kitchen. This rustic house has several rooms but it is almost like a shack. My maternal grandmother Mabel (1908-1997) and my sister are in the kitchen..

I suddenly realize that my dog—which looks like a little coyote—is not with me. He is almost always with me. Now, I remember that last night, almost as if in a dream, I had seen some animals, maybe even wolves, up on the ridge. I think maybe the animals have snatched up my little brown and gray dog.

I look into a side room which looks more like a little shed abutting the house. The floor is pilled with trash. It looks as if an animal may have been sleeping in a large, nest-like area of the trash. I reflect that we never use this room. I do not see my dog in the side room. I walk back into the kitchen and see my sister there. She asks, "Where's mom?"

I suddenly realize that my mother (1931-2014) is not here. Since I know that she is supposed to be here, I start hollering, "Where's mom?! Mom! Mom!"

When no one answers, I walk into the adjoining room, then on to another room on the other side of it. My father (1932-2016) is standing in the room. Probably in his 40s, he looks shorter than usual. He does not look like himself, but he is definitely my father. I ask him where mom is. He stands mute and will not tell me. I become angry and ask him several times, but he still will not tell me. At some point, he responds as if in a feigned spasm imitating how my incoherent mother might talk. He says, "He said, he said, he said," as if to imitate my mother and insinuate that she is repeating things and that she basically has lost her mind.

I holler back toward the kitchen the name of my sister, and, "Grandma!"

They do not respond. I look at my father and, wondering whether my sister and my grandmother know where my mother is, I ask my father, "Do they know?"

He shakes his head no. I have the feeling that he may have locked up my mother somewhere. I ask him if he knows where my mother is and it is clear to me that he does indeed know where my mother is. I have the thought that he may have locked her up somewhere and perhaps it is best that I do not see her right now. Maybe seeing her would be depressing because she may be in such a lost state of mind.

Commentary of 03 October 2020

I am concentrating on dreaming about the book "Cien Años de Soledad." This book concentrates on "family." This dream also seems to concentrate on family and it makes me wonder how important family is to me. As shown to me by the book, family can be an interesting mystery to solve.

a family may

be helpful for solving the

mystery of life

Picture: My paternal grandmother Mabel

Date: Circa 1994, Portsmouth, Ohio

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