Dream of: 23 September 2019 "Party Time" 

a person's moral
fiber provides the power
to enlighten dreams

I am going to Bonnie's (an internet dream journalist) home where she is having a party. I am unsure whether I have been invited to the party, but I show up anyway. Many people are at the party. I have brought two laptop computers with me: a light gray one and a larger dark red one. I wonder if Bonnie will be impressed by the fine computers which I carry around.

This is the first time that I have seen Bonnie in person, but she looks exactly like I would expect her to look from the pictures I have seen of her on Facebook: thin with light-colored hair and probably in her mid 60s. Forty to fifty people are probably in the ranch-style house. I enter a large living room where everyone has gathered. I sit down and look around. I think I should be polite and complement Bonnie on what a nice house she has - it does seem nice. I do, however, notice a couple defects. I look at the wall in front of me which seems to be covered with light gray carpet all the way to the ceiling. The carpeting looks loose and defective where it meets the ceiling, as if the seams at the top are not properly nailed. I think about my house which is practically brand new and has hardly any defects, and in my mind I compare my house with this more modest home.

It seems strange to me that I have simply shown up here at Bonnie's. I normally do not simply show up for the first time at someone's house like this. Still, I have the sentiment that I once before unexpectedly showed up unannounced at the house of someone else associated with Bonnie, even though that is not something that I typically do.

One giant mattress seems to cover the entire living room. Everyone finally lies down on the mattress and goes to sleep. I finally also go to sleep.

In the morning, I am the first one to awaken, still dressed in my clothes. Bonnie then arises. She sits unsmiling on the edge of the bed 3-4 meters from me, smoking a cigarette, dry and dour. It seems as if she is uncommunicative and has not interacted much with anyone at the party. I think of asking her for a cigarette to smoke even though I do not normally smoke cigarettes, but I decide against doing so, and I never actually speak to her, even though I know that she is aware of my presence. I sense that she is uncertain how she feels about my being here. She is not unfriendly, but she shows no emotion toward me. I feel neither welcome nor unwelcome here. I am still lying down on my back, but I think I am going to stand and leave. I do not want to be unpolite by leaving so soon, but I am ready to go.

I realize that my brother Chris (1957-1974) is lying next to me on my right, while my two computers are lying next to me on my left. Chris is probably 10-11 years old. Since he is immobilized by his muscular dystrophy, I will have to carry him to the car when I leave. At first I think I will pick up the computers and Chris at the same time and carry everything to the car together, but then I decide that I am not going to be able to do that, and that I will carry out the computers first, then return for Chris. I will first tell Chris that I am taking out the computers, and that I am going to return to fetch him, so he will know what I am doing.

When I try to sit up, however, I am unable to do so. I almost feel like Chris, who cannot move around because of his muscular dystrophy.

I am lying on a portion of the bed which is right next to the kitchen which has no wall separating it from the living room. A bar/counter is right in front of me. A thin, black-haired fellow (probably in his late 30s) is sitting at the bar. When I ask him if he can give me a hand, he responds, "Yea." When he takes my hand, however, I realize that he is also crippled, and may be in a wheelchair.

A second fellow is also standing at the bar. The second fellow seems as if he is healthy and sound, but he wants the first fellow to try to help me, even though the first fellow is crippled. The first fellow is sitting down, perhaps in a wheelchair. The second healthy fellow pushes the first crippled fellow closer to me in front of me. When the crippled fellow finally manages to stand up. I reach out my left hand and he grabs it. I immediately realize that he has no muscle at all, and I think he must also be suffering. He tries to pull me up, but nothing happens.

Finally he gives me one end up something which looks like a beige sock. He hold the other end of the sock and pulls, but the sock is too elastic and it does not help me pull myself up.

I think I still may be able to pull myself up on my own if I work on it. When I try, however, I have trouble. Something has happened to my muscles. It is almost as if I have muscular dystrophy and am unable to pull myself up. I finally do manage to sit up, but I go right back down.

My disability makes me feels awkward, but not vulnerable.

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