Dream of: 19 March 2019 "Self-Medication"

 I have been seeing a woman. We have come to know each other fairly well and have developed a certain amount of trust between us. She is a thin woman and is probably in her early 40s. Apparently she is a medical doctor.

At the moment I am in a room which seems like a motel room. The woman has six different patients whom she has been treating with six different kinds of pills. One of the patients is a man who is in the room right now. Lying scattered on the floor are perhaps a dozen of the pills which have all been taken out of their aluminum foil packages. I do not know what the story is here, but I surmise that the man has broken into the woman's supply of pills and taken some.

The man leaves without taking the pills which remain lying on the floor. I start thinking that I might want to take one of the pills. I am unsure whether I have ever taken one of these pills - it seems vaguely as if I may have previously taken one, but I do not distinctly remember. I debate back and forth with myself whether to take one of the pills. I know that the woman trusts me and that she will figure out that one of the pills is missing because she keeps an accurate account of them. I think that I could lie about it and say that I did not take the pill. I could blame it on the other fellow who had been in the room, but I would not want to lie. If she found out that one of the pills was missing, I would confess that I took it.

I continue to debate with myself and the word "self-medication" goes through my mind. I think nothing would be wrong with my using one of the pills because I would only be self-medicating. My deciding to take the pill would be no different than having the woman prescribe the pill, except that I would be the one myself who makes the decision.

I continue debating with myself until I finally pick up one of the little, blue, oblong pills. I walk into the bathroom with the pill and shut the door. I think the best way to take the pill is to grind it up and snort it. I chip off a small part of the chalky pill and grind it up on the floor. It turns into a gray powder. I think I hear someone outside and I think maybe the woman has returned. I fret that she may hear me in here when I snort the pill, but I go ahead and snort it anyway.

When I finish, I notice a counter in the room. I think that I may grind up some more of the pill on the counter, and that I will snort the rest of the pill from the counter.

I am unsure what the effects of the pill will be, but I quickly begin to feel a dull, narcotic sensation. I expect to feel calm and lethargic. I think I will smash up the rest of the pill on the counter and go ahead and snort it. 

Commentary of 01 April 2019



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