Dream of:08 January 2005 (2) "Breaking Silence"
Whether by accident or design, I had met my father in a restaurant and we had sat down for a meal together. We hadn't talked with each other for a long time because of an argument we had had. I now decided if we were going to talk again, I wasn't going to fall into our previous pattern of not talking about things which really mattered. I told him I wanted to talk about the truth, and the first thing I told him was that I utterly despised him, that I just couldn't stand him. I thought I needed to get that sentiment out in the open first, and that I would now tell him exactly why I despised him.
As I was about to continue, my sister walked up and sat down on my right (my father was sitting directly across from me). As she also began partaking of the meal, I told my father that I was going to continue my conversation in front of my sister. He seemed displeased, but he wasn't going to stop me this time. I began by saying that the biggest problem in this family was the continual hiding of things. Nothing was brought out into the open. I intended going to change that.
I began explaining to my sister the cause of the recent dispute between my father and me. To begin, I interjected that I also despised my step-mother. I said that my step-mother was conniving and that she was trying to divest my father of as much property as she could. She had already obtained title to the new Hilltop House, and she was now at the heart of the present dispute.
I explained to my sister that my father and I had been talking on the telephone and my father had told me he intended to give my step-mother the coal rights on the Gallia County Farm. When I had heard this, I had told my father that his giving the coal rights to my step-mother "bothered me" -- that was all I had said. I now explained to my sister that I had been bothered because my father had previously assured me he would never give my step-mother any interest in the Farm. My father now spoke up and said he had never said any such thing.
I continued talking, and I pointed out that once before my father had thought of giving my step-mother an interest in the coal rights on the Farm. At that time, he had even prepared a document which would transfer those rights. Subsequently, he had thought better of the matter and he had decided not to give my step-mother any coal rights. At that time he had shown me the document which he had prepared, and he had told me that he had been mentally sick to have ever even thought of transferring the coal rights to my step-mother, and that he would never give her any rights to the coal.
Then, when I had subsequently been talking with him on the phone and he had informed me that he had decided to give the coal rights to my step-mother, I had told him that his doing so "bothered me." I told my sister that when I had said this, my father had gone berserk. He now just sat at the table and didn't deny anything I was saying.
I continued, "And then, after that, he tried to take my mother's money in order to punish me."
I explained to my sister that he had taken my mother's life savings and had tried to put the money into a trust account with my sister as sole trustee. He had only done that in order to punish me. When he had realized certain legal problems impeded the formation of the trust account (I informed my sister), he had tried to keep the money for himself.
My sister didn't say anything; she simply continued eating.
I wanted to make clear my reasons for being angry with my father, and I wanted to make clear that in the future, if I were going to associate with him in any manner, I wasn't going to remain silent about how I felt about things.
Clearly my father now wanted to reconcile in some way, but I wasn't sure I wanted to. I was only sure that if I were going to be around him, I wasn't going to meekly stand by and not say how I felt about things, the way he wanted. If I were going to be around him, things were definitely going to be different.
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